Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
