just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
