I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I think I just sharted jello shots
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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