Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
