Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
