I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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