i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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