No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
