I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
