Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
