I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
