got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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