he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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