I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
