why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
