and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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