I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
