I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
