This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
