He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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