before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
