I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
