4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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