Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
