I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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