She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
