JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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