If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
