He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
