Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
