worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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