tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
