i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
