i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
