Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
