I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
