drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
