were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
