so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
