I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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