I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
