He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
