I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
