My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
