I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
