I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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