I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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