I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
