hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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