I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
