He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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