We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You left your phone here
Wait...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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