Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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