I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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