i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
