Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
