i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My dick has a subreddit
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
