So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
