shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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