youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
