Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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