I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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