i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
