I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
