you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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