finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
