Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
