she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
