after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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