i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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