he thought i was a dude.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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