I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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