Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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