im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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