he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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