I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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