Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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