AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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