So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
