I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Boobs are out for the taking
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
