just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
