its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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