I just made out with a guy for $7.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
