Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
