You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Can Purell be used as lube?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
