dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
