Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
