Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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