So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
