do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
