im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
