So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
