Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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