i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
