I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
