it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
