I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think your dad took our porno
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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