Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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