i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize