Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
