Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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