we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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